Terms of Endearment

Names are largely functional, in our home. They’re used to get someone’s attention, or as a point of reference.

‘Hey, Ian.’


Ian, stop doing that!’

Kelly, will you please grab Ian?’

‘I can’t believe you did that, Ian.’

Middle names are strictly for shock value. Other than that, it’s ‘Hon’ or ‘Honey’ or ‘Kiddo’. Obviously Ian’s pseudonymns have been far more creative: ‘Fatty Lumpkin’, ‘Fatty’, ‘Eener Beaner’, ‘Eenie’, ‘Professor Fussenberg’. Lately I’ve gone the route of Prince and have started referring to Ian using an exasperated sigh.

In general, kids first come to know their parents as ‘Mommy’ and ‘Daddy’, though milage may vary. Ian has learned our names, but he can’t say them without laughing. To him, the whole concept of ‘Daddy’ being called ‘Jared’ is preposterous. How can Daddy be anyone but ‘Daddy’?

But Ian’s always game for something new. He listens, closely and well; he also loves to pretend. ‘You okay, honey? It’s a beautiful day, honey!’ ‘Honey’ is an easy one, though.

‘I love you, feet hurt!’ Until then, I’d never realized that Ian’s Grammy calls him ‘sweetheart’.

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