Relais-Pères is a new program of Canada’s Centraide (United Way) designed to ‘help vulnerable fathers with young children in four Montreal neighbourhoods.’

It’s difficult being a father, even if you’re happily married and gainfully employed. Relais-Pères helps men stay the course, recognize their significance as fathers, and to meet their obligations.

‘Two years ago, Nino Miguel Correia was a member of a street gang and expectant father on the verge of walking out on his pregnant girlfriend….

“I used to be part of Les Bo-Gars and the Italian Mafia,” the 23-year-old high school dropout said while playing in a park with his twin daughters. “I left that life behind when I had my girls.”

He credits Relais-Pères counsellor Jason Assio, whom he calls a second father, for giving him the support he needed to end his life of crime.’

Read more → The Gazette

The program has assisted over seventy families since it was started last year.

Relais-Pères apparently recognizes the importance of a father’s role in his children’s lives, but what caught my eye was an explanation from Isabelle Rivard, a coordinator of Relais-Pères counselors:

‘”It’s a matter of balance and having a foundation to build on to evolve in society,” Rivard said. “The baby is constantly with the mother at first.”

The father’s job is to break that isolation and help the child to learn to interact with society in general, she said.’

Fathers will reluctantly admit to feeling a sense of seperation from their newborn children, as if it’s unnatural, unhealthy, and a cause for concern. I think most men feel this way, to one degree or another; it’s obviously not unnatural. Seen in this light, it also makes perfect sense.

I like the idea of fathers being the initial icebreakers; the welcoming committees of one. Thus our awkwardness and isolation are no different than two friends meeting for the first time. An uncertain smile, a nod. Hi, nice to meet you.

We’re told that the bond between mother and child is instinctual, ingrained. But the majority of our children’s relationships will not be so. Relationships take time and fumbling and patience. We learn what to expect of ourselves and of each other.

And our children need to learn that they need to learn that. What a wonderful thing, to teach my son that he is not alone.