Words that have never been used to describe our furnishings:

• Noguchi
• floating
• flat-front
• lacquered
• Shantung
• molded-wood
• 18th-century
• pendant
• silk

Even as a guy whose bathroom register is held in place by duct tape (seriously), I just have to assume that the same must be said for most people, let alone most parents. Yet, as The New York Times attests, apparently the learning curve of parenting encircles more than sleep deprivation, diaper changes, and keeping your child alive. You also have to navigate the living room furniture:

‘Ms. Brown and Mr. Friedman…were also determined not to let Harrison “take control of the house,” Ms. Brown said. They went ahead with putting in flat-front lacquered maple cabinets in the kitchen, even though they soon had to watch a professional babyproofer drill 300 holes in them for safety latches. (Ms. Brown still cringes.) They put up silk Shantung draperies in Harrison’s bedroom, knowing that they might well end up stained, as they soon did—with yogurt. And they held onto the molded-wood chairs, which were not an easy transition from the highchair.’

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The New York Times

This article from the Times goes into shocking detail of the plight of those whose children don’t match their carpet. It’s painful reading.

A woman traumatized after placing her ’18th-century mahogany dining table and chair set in storage’. A man ‘vexed’ by the problem of how to keep both a toddler and chairs with ‘razor-blade’ corners. A design technologist and food activist who convert an old factory into a home ‘that would be kid-friendly as well as sensitive to [their] need to live in a well-designed adult environment’.

I know, I’m being petty and childish. But, really, if you’re the parent of a four-year-old, and you import a cherry dining table from France, and are surprised when that girl&#8212your daughter—carves her name into that table, aren’t you asking for it?

(Thanks, Mr. Big Dubya!)

* For the record, Mr. Cheng, ‘small-town guys’ don’t say things like ‘aesthetic point of view’ or ‘minimalist’ or ‘largely’.