HP Invents…Low Self-Image

One of the best advantages of digital photography is that its permanence is subject to your whims. Don’t like the lighting? Delete. Out of focus? Delete. Wife doesn’t think it’s funny? Delete. It’s a tribute to instant gratification.

Quality digital cameras have become so easy to use, and so affordable, that anyone can take professional-quality (as far as my parents know) pictures of his son eating apples. Many cameras even have filters that can add sepia tone, soft glow (à la Glamour Shots), or take pictures in black and white.

You, too, can be Annie Leibovitz!

HP knows its customers, and has taken us one step closer to becoming who we want to be. Newer models of HP’s Photosmart camera now feature a new ‘artistic effect’: slimming! I think the name speaks for itself, but HP certainly has a way with words:

‘They say cameras add ten pounds, but HP digital cameras can help reverse that effect. The slimming feature…is a subtle effect that can instantly trim off pounds from the subjects in your photos!’

That’s right, fatty. No more complaining that you don’t like to have your picture taken. We can fix you! ‘Subjects still look like themselves’, according to HP, except now they’re beautiful. Even better, you get to ‘see a before and after version, then decide which [version of yourself] to keep.’

Parents, are your teenagers camera shy? With the Slimming effect, they’ll be begging for more family photos! Make your daughter feel better about herself, and create loving, lasting memories, all with one camera!

Be sure to thank your local mass-market media outlet for inspiring this wonderful advance in technology.

(Thanks, Daddy Daze!)

2 Responses

  1. Mike F.
    Mike F. at | | Reply

    “can instantly trim off pounds from the subjects in your photos”

    Why exactly do they need to include “in your photos”? Are they worried people will think it actually takes pounds off of you? They might sell more if they took that phrase out.

    [What they don’t tell you is that the camera also captures your soul.]

  2. The Zero Boss
    The Zero Boss at | | Reply

    Actually, Mike, I think a liposuction digital camera would be a real market-shaker…

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