Every few minutes, he wants
to march the trail of flattened rye grass
back to the house of muttering
hens. He too could make
a bed in hay. Yesterday the egg so fresh
it felt hot in his hand and he pressed it
to his ear while the other children
laughed and ran with a ball, leaving him,
so little yet, too forgetful in games,
ready to cry if the ball brushed him,
riveted to the secret of birds
caught up inside his fist,
not ready to give it over
to the refrigerator
or the rest of the day.
Posted on November 21, 2007 by Jared in Uncategorized
Far from a testament to progenitorial prowess, this site has instead been a useful if painful chronicle of a floundering father. If fatherhood is the Petries’ living room, I’ve managed to stumble over most of the footstools.
But I’ve learned a few things.
Last Sunday was a crash day. Kelly’s play had finished the previous night, and we all were in desperate need of snuggleness. Ian had an especially rough few weeks, being neglected by his parents in favor of rushed rehearsal schedules and later-night dinners. He took it in stride, but made his feelings quite clear by doing uncanny impersonations of a barnacle.
In lieu of Ian’s afternoon nap, we decided to huddle under a blanket on the couch, drinking tea and watching a movie together. Our intentions were good, but there’s a reason Ian takes naps.
That evening Ian asked if he could play a video game. Who am I to argue with a four-year-old? But when the game proved too difficult, he asked me to ‘help’. Then complained that I was playing. Then asked me to help. Then complained that I was playing. Then asked me to help. The complained that I was turning off the game, walking out of the room, and starting his bath.
The latter quickly degraded into an incoherent rage of spittle and tiny fists. He was tired, fragile, and at the end of his tether. I don’t have a good history with Ian’s tantrums. My patience is thin by default, and my son is very good at ripping it to shreds. Logic plays no part, and I don’t stop to think of the reasons behind his behavior. I’m too focused on the noise, pain, and my own frustration. So I react, usually by throwing my hands in the air and asking Kelly to step in.
I thought of this as I carried Ian, screaming, to the bathroom. I was calm, reserved. I didn’t yell, or scowl, or threaten, or dump him on the naughty step. I knew he was exhausted and angry, and I understood why.
His fists were locked on his pants as I tried to get him undressed. He held his elbows at his sides, and he quickly grabbed the bottom of his shirt whenever I managed to pull it above his head. His face was red, and he was coughing from the strain of yelling in my face. Ty Pennington in Scobby-Doo underwear. He flailed and threw himself to the ground.
Kelly started walking from the kitchen, and I caught her eye. ‘No, I’m okay. I’ve got him.’ And I said it without a trace of martyrdom. I meant it. I wasn’t dealing with Ian out of obligation. I knew my son needed help beyond his means.
This is a video of four-year-old Isiaah, playing the djembe. You will smile; you will not be able to stop. I was proud when Ian started matching pitch. He needs to work on his rhythm.
Despite how we may feel as we leave the hospital, there’s more to being a father than keeping your kid alive. Really, all good fathers recognize this. There’s so much to teach, and precious little time. For the fathers of sons, one of our responsibilities is to teach our sons what it means to be a man.
As if we have a clue.
But if we don’t teach, someone else will – and that can be a bad thing. There are so many conflicting views of masculinity that sometimes it’s hard to know where we stand. Should we listen to Oprah? Dr. Phil? Our fathers? Wives? Desperate Housewives?
During our vacation last week, I saw a guy wearing a t-shirt that read, ‘Yes, These Clothes Can Be Torn Off’. Don’t listen to that guy.
Until we find the definitive expert on manhood, we have guys like Joel to get us closer:
‘Between the contradictory role models of “new-age sensitive man” and “clueless Tim-Taylor man,” it’s no wonder today’s boys don’t know what a man looks like. I’ll give you a hint: neither one is accurate, because they’re both self-centered and immature. The one is whiny, the other overblown, but both of them are completely missing what a man is and does.’
Posted on September 1, 2003 by Jared in Uncategorized
RSS stands for ‘Really Simple Syndication‘, and is a means by which you can automatically receive a website’s updated content without having to visit the site itself. RSS is most often associated with weblogs, but is also used by services such as Google News and CNN.
A website using RSS maintains a feed, which is simply a list of the site’s current content. When new content is added, the site’s feed is also updated, and other programs, called readers, are able to access this list and tell whether content has been added.
For example, this site’s RSS feed is kept here: http://totaldepravity.gilbertsrus.com/index.xml – ‘index.xml’ is the list itself. When I write a new article, that article’s title, text, and web address is added to this list. If someone knows the location of this list, they can use an RSS reader to see my site’s content without ever actually visiting the site.
RSS is a very convenient way to stay updated of your favorite sites without having to keep returning to those sites, when there may or may not be new content. CNN uses RSS, which means you can use an RSS reader to automatically retrieve new stories, instead of checking the site again and again for the latest news.
For example, I use a service called Google Reader. I simply save a site’s RSS feed in Google Reader, and each day I can see which sites have been updated, and read their new content in one place. I don’t have to bookmark my favorite sites, remember their URLs, or remember to visit them every day. Google Reader takes care of all of that for me. And since Google Reader is web-based, I can access my list of feeds from any computer.
To begin using RSS, you’ll first need to download or register to use an RSS reader. There are many options, and most of them are free: again, I use Google Reader, but Newsgator, Bloglines, and Rojo are other options.
Current versions of Firefox and Internet Explorer are also able to maintain your RSS feeds.
Once you’ve selected and installed (or registered with) your RSS reader, simply start adding your favorite sites’ RSS feeds. First and foremost, look for this symbol:
This is the standard icon for RSS feeds, and is generally displayed somewhere on a site’s sidebar navigation. It may also appear in your browser’s address bar. If you click the icon, you’ll be taken to a page that won’t mean much to you – you’re looking at the feed, which isn’t meant to be read by humans. Instead, copy that page’s URL to your reader. The reader will now watch that site for you, and keep you updated of new content.
RSS readers are also often able to discover a site’s RSS feed for you. In that case, all you’ll need to do is enter the site’s URL.
Many sites using RSS also include links to popular aggregators, which, when clicked, will automatically add that site’s feed to the aggregator. Newsgator members who find my site can click the Newsgator icon on the homepage, and my RSS feed will be saved to their account.
