Silly Spider, Pancakes Are for Boys

Ian will be four years old on Wednesday. He’s grown taller and doesn’t need the carseat anymore, and more often than not he remembers to lift both the toilet lid and seat, but what really freaks me out is how quickly his mind has switched from ‘toddler’ to ‘boy’.

For example. I was in training on Friday, and my morning was more relaxed than usual. I took Ian to breakfast at Denny’s. The bad one. The spider who lives in my car thought pancakes sounded like a good idea, but didn’t tell us until we were on the way.

Ian says he likes bugs, but secretly wishes they would all die as far from him as possible. The spider climbed on Ian’s door, and Ian tried to climb in my lap. Lest I forget the screaming, let me mention the screaming.

I pulled over and dealt with the problem. The spider didn’t have pancakes.

As I opened the door for Ian in the parking lot, he said, ‘I bet the spider didn’t like that ride!’ Emphasis his; no fatherly, creative editing. Verbatim.

I knew what he meant, but some part of me refused to believe that my not-yet-four-year-old son could make such a mental leap of humor. To date, his funniest one-liner had been ‘A, B, C, D, E, F, car…’. So I asked him: ‘Why’s that?’

‘Because he climbed out and he died!’